I am my own worst enemy....
"Why did you sign up for a full marathon, you cannot do this"
"You will be an embarrassment to your family"
"You can't run more than 2 miles without thinking you want to quit, how are you going to get to 26.2?"
"You've only ran/walk 6 miles, only 20 to go, ha ha ha"
"You're first marathon is going to be a mockery to other runners"
"3 big races in one month, you will never make it"
To be honest, I have had to talk myself out of deferring the NY Marathon more than once. First, I am not a quitter. If I had no choice and had to deffer, I couldn't possibly do it next year as I am getting married weeks before the 2014 NY Marathon and the whole reason I signed up was for Disney Dopey preparation <---- Why did I sign up for that???
My friends will say words of encouragement to push me and I jump down their throat, thinking they are coming down on me. I hate the person I have become.
Tonight, after I skipped not one but two workouts since Sunday, I found myself excited to get out there and run. Then within the first 1/4 mile, I had issues breathing. I felt as if I was having an asthma attack, which has been absent from my life since 2007. The negative thoughts came pouring in. Then I attacked back.
What I learned tonight is that my negative thoughts have been my worst enemy all along. If I am able to tune them out by turning them into a positive accomplishment, I can find progress. I need to train myself to look back on today and realize those negative thoughts should push me towards my goal.